So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
