That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
