I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
