Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
They have beer where we have blood.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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