i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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