I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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