She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
