So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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