Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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