thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
