Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
