we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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