we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
