I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
