Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
