Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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