I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
