She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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