Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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