Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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