He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
