I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We were destined to go to rehab together
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
