is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
