strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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