He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
