Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
