If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
