We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
