Dude my mom stole all your condoms
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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