If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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