he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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