i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Pants are for mortals
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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