Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
did you just send me my own nude
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
