Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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