I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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