Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize