am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
