dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
