Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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