he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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