He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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