Pappa wants mamma naked
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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