11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
