I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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