P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
