this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We left an ass print on the piano.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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