he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
They took my balls.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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