Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize