seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
