a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
