then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
