I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize