My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
is that a dick in a sweater?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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