i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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