I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
