He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
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I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
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I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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