I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
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went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
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a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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