Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
