i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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