I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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