May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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