Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
