I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
