Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just gargled with NyQuil
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
