he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
